A Tale of 2 Accidents

It’s been some time now since I last wrote, and today my editor friend referred me to a book that he was raving about, simply called “Better” by an Indian surgeon living in America, Atul Gawande, about the practice of medicine, applied to daily life.  5 pointers at the end of the book, and the first one that my friend recounted was that this man with a humble style of writing advocates a daily dose of writing to help us ponder and work through the daily issues of life.

Lest I forget, I should record this incident that “Pa” and I encountered last Sun night heading out for dinner.  This one Sun, SW could not join us for dinner, so both of us decided to go to a newly-discovered Japanese restaurant opp Ikea, with Pa driving, although I’d offered to.  Nearing the complex, as he took the corner towards the car park, we suddenly felt a jolt, and realised that his left wheel had gone up a kerb.   As he reversed, we heard the car behind him honk him, and thinking that these were downright impatient and inconsiderate people, he drove off slowly, with more honking sounds at the back, only to find after a few metres that a car behind had swooped in front of him and blocked our way forward.  This young man stepped out of his open hood sports car and came towards us, wanting to know why we blithely drove on when we had knocked the car of his friend who was immediately behind us.

We were both shocked.  We had not realised in the least bit that there had been any physical encounter.  And checking his car out there in the night light, it did not look like it had sustained more than light scratches that could have been polished off.  But Pa had turned truculent, maintaining that he had no choice but to reverse even as we convinced them that we had not known that we had reversed into them.   To me, there was no denying we were in the wrong.  Whatever it is, no matter how close they were, we had not looked before reversing.   But when we deny accountability and maintain that the other party is at fault too, we set ourselves up for confrontation, and an outcome that is not favourable.

He says he should have just sat in the car and called the police for latter to settle.  I tell him they would have said this was a private matter that we should resolve ourselves.  But maybe he should have, because sometimes wives’ views don’t matter.  In any case, seeing that it was futile to argue, I offered to settle and paid them off with a $100, with him muttering $50., since it was mutually agreed that there was no point going through workshop checks and workshop claims.  I’m not sure if $50 would have brought the matter to a close quickly enough, annd perhaps I should have offered that i the first place, but I could see it was getting nowhere, and just wanted a quick resolution.

As I look back to this incident, I was reminded of the earlier accident I had (recounted in Slow Down, You’re going too Fast) when it was such a pleasant resolution of damage claims because I had immediately accepted that I was in the wrong in reversing into the car behind me.  Because of that, the owner of the other car was prepared to send his car to my workshop for a claims assessment after his own workshop had sent in a repair estimate which seemed high to me.  As it turned out, mine was $250 cheaper, and he gladly left his car with them to repair, trusting that I would honour the bill.  No acrimony, no lingering sour taste.

Made me reflect on the issue of accountability.  Yesterday, one of my staff told me that her temperamental boss had had to take urgent leave because she had accidentally cut her dog’s ear while trimming its hair,  preoccupied as she was with office matters.  This boss lady for once did not have anyone to blame for her own mistake.   For many of us, it is conditioning from childhood when our parents blame or scold those things around us when ill befalls us.  Most typical – a child falls down – and mummy immediately hits the ground with her palms, and says “naughty floor”!  How does one teach a child accountability that way?  Bible says “train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it”.   Who was it who said the child is the father of the man?

. 1Cor 13:11
When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.